Some dude, out of the blue, accused me of accusing him of being a liar the other day.
He was like, “Dan, why are you calling me a liar?”.
And I was like, “dude, what the fuck?”.
In his paranoid mind, I had called him a liar – I did no such thing.
Basically, this guy was part of a team tasked with working on a piece of software. His job was to translate some source code from VB.NET to C#. He decided to take the lazy road, and use some free tool he found on the bum-fuck-egypt part of the web to do the translation. The tool was shitty and converted a whole bunch of VB variable declarations into C# type “dynamic” declarations (which is no subtle issue). This made the work easier for the tool, it was like putting up signs saying “hey, compiler, ignore this shitty code we didn’t convert”, but this also means whole swaths of code were not syntax checked during code compilation (you know – the part of the process when human “readable” source code gets transformed into logical code and then machine code, that the computer can understand). Any who, because they used the keyword “dynamic”, the compiler said the code was “legit” when in reality the code was more bug ridden than a Florida hooker.
The code had other problems as well …
They included a lot of shit code that did nothing …
They wrote thread-management code for a single-threaded application …
(there was other weird stuff too)
I didn’t accuse this guy, or his team, of being liars.
I did make the provable point that they had not delivered, as an outsourcing agency, on the work required of a “port” or “code conversion” or “code translation”. I expected them to do a bit more than just “make the shit compile” – that’s a lazy fucking attitude. I expected them to meet the behavioural specs of the code – period. If you can’t match the spec, then your code conversion failed – period. This is complicated to people. This is too much thinking for many people these days. So this guy, this stranger to me, goes nutz and accuses me of accusing him of being a liar. This was crazy getting crazier.
Then there’s that other crazy guy, 28 years old, who flew that German Wings airplane into the Alps …
I don’t know what you say about that? – simply insane?
It seems to me that my long-feared “plague of madness” is entering phase 2 – people in sensitive roles, in our society, are starting to lose it. These aren’t rich people, these are the middle-level technocrats and specialists who keep this jenga-tower of a civilization functioning. And they are going mad and some of them are taking other people with them.
Some of these near-crazies are:
- Airline Pilots.
- Military Officers – like nuclear submarine commanders, for example.
- Nuclear reactor engineers.
- Various IT.
- Doctors, infectious disease researchers
As this plague impacts the sensitive parts of our economic/social arrangements, then life will feel (and actually be) more bleak. We are on the verge.
<<insert sister’s name>>,
I’m kinda “meh” about the whole thing.
Sort of like, “shit, I’m still alive”.
(then I look around)
And it’s like, “shit … I’m still alive … great …”.
I hope you are well.
Don’t fuck with me!
Really, I mean it.
Don’t fuck with me, don’t mess with me, don’t spin me no fucking yarn about some crazy ass shit that happened to you in Mexico back in the 90’s …
(I don’t want to hear about that fucking trip to Mexico)
(keep that shit to yourself)
Don’t mess with me …
Don’t build up my ego. Don’t pump up my self-esteem. Don’t tell me “Dan, your work is great”, when in truth I know and you know my work has been mediocre at best. I’m capable of better, I can do better – but at this moment the drag of our degenerate post-fucked-up reality has kind of ground me down to a nub and shit. You tell me my “work is great” and I don’t know what to do with that. I can pretend, with you, like it’s “forever fancy magical-dragon faerie palace” – I can do that shit to you, with you, but then I would be fucking with you too … you fuck.
Just don’t fuck with me.
I don’t want to hear about your dad and the trips you all took to upper peninsula Michigan and crap. I don’t want to hear about Lake Superior in the Summer time and how wonderful it was and how you thought life would be all golden-sun-shiny spectacular for all people and all time. But life is not like that – ask ANY Danish man. There were no “special sunny Summer times” – that was a lie and now you are telling that lie to me, so don’t. Don’t do it.
You don’t fuck with me AND I won’t fuck with you.
(that is rule 1)
(the rules simply get harder from here)
“All of life is a death trap.”
– Yorbis, Clown-Lord-of-Pretentious-Trickery